Amerika

The Cucks are cucking most cuckingly over the recent political upset in The New York Democratic Primary. You see, a 28-year-old political novice named Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez defeated Congressional fossil Joe Crowley despite being out-fundraised ten-to-one. Here is the autopsy describing how Joe Crowley’s career ossified last night.

With 88% of precincts reporting in the heavily-Democratic district that spans Queens and the Bronx, Ocasio-Cortez had crushed Crowley, 57.6% to 42.4%, a margin of nearly 3,600 votes. CNN notes that Ocasio-Cortez is a self-described “democratic socialist.”

This is a remarkable feat. Ocasio-Cortez was working as a cocktail waitress about a year ago. She now has the Democratic nomination in a district where she could sing long and boring hymns to Satan and still win by 20+%. She will be in Congress. Here is why this will be a raging cluster-fvck. Her agenda follows:

1. Medicare For All. This is the new euphemism for “socialized medicine.” People will be given unlimited healthcare regardless of their ability to pay. I’ll give you 3 guesses on who Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is expecting to pay for this. The first 2 don’t count. It’s the corporations. {sarc}Those costs don’t ever get passed on to the workers or customers. {/sarc}
2. Universal Jobs Guarantee. Here is another Bernie Worshipper who can’t be bothered with actually reading her Marx. Capital wants open borders and unlimited immigration to crush labor markets and make workers more desperate to put up with any crap The Man chooses to drop on their doorstep in a flaming plastic bag. Here’s the link to a description of Marx’s Reserve Army of The Unemployed so that she can at least be philosophically literate in her own avowed political ideology.
3. Fully Funded Public School and Universities. She plans on taxing Wall Street to pay for this. This is a fine and commendable idea. We can just pass this cost right on through to anyone who wants to raise funding via a bond issue or a sale of stock. We can attempt to honor the Universal Jobs Guarantee with no capital to fund the necessary expansion of business and industry to employ all the people who have this guarantee and expect to show up for work uninvited next Monday. I fail to see any hang-ups here.
4. Paid Family and Sick Leave. See: Medicare For All. If Socialism gives you a headache, or if all the new immigrants crossing her new ICEless border do a Rotherham Job on your adorable 11-year-old daughter, we’ve got an app for that. See how much better this agenda point makes you feel?
5. Housing As A Human Right. Your rights extend no further than what you are willing to kill somebody else in order to protect. There are no human rights. Humans in The United States are a heck of a lot luckier than they deserve to be. This is the only reason that entire Congressional Districts filled with these bizarre human beings are stupid and gullible enough to believe that human rights exist in the abstract without an Army of highly skilled killers to guarantee their continuance.
6. Immigration Justice. Let everyone in and abolish ICE. Then give them free education, housing, medical care, guaranteed employment…That money tree that Alexandria believes grows in Brooklyn doesn’t exist. If it did, it would already be wilting in anticipation of the cost of all of this crap.
7. Infrastructure Overhaul. 100% Green Energy. Like those wind farms that hack up the birds in a manner reminiscent of Tyson Chicken. Then she still has the problem of paying for it. Oh, wait, she doesn’t. Socialists never have a problem paying for it. They steal from other people and then other people have a problem getting made to pay for it at gunpoint.
8. Clean Campaign Finance. We won’t let corporations fund political campaigns. We’ll have George Soros and Steve Wynn do it personally instead. Just cut to the chase and establish Oligarchical Collectivism.
9. An Economy of Peace. I’d be more dismissive. But we’re already the loser of Life’s Monopoly Game from the rest of her agenda. Whatever this crap is, the productive people have left, Atlas has long since shrugged, and the rest of us are too busy foraging for bugs in the woods to really give a flying kangaroo copulation about want An Economy of Peace entails.

This entire agenda is stupidity on cattle steroids. It is no more tethered to reality than a Helium Molecule is tethered to the surface of the Earth. It is unworkable, impossible and intended as a form of protest rather than a serious attempt to make anyone’s life any better. If Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez fails to understand how unworkable this agenda truly, then she is not fit for any level of serious public service. If she does understand all of this, and still insists on pushing it anyway, then she is a malignant, evil sarcoma who should be removed from the body politic via a vigorous course of chemotherapy.

Tags: alexandria ocasio-cortez, new york, socialism