Amerika

I have a dream that someday conservatives will recognize the root of our ideology as making all people equal through having the right rules and values. That we will rise from our primitive origins, cast aside our primal tribalism, and instead affirm equality under law and Christian values as the basis of our future.

I have a dream that soon in the future, people will realize the primacy of justice in treating each individual as a new-born child, deserving not just of fairness in treatment, but in support of the State in being whatever that individual can be. Even the orphan born to wretched circumstances, blighted with Down’s syndrome and miscegenation, can rise above the kings of old!

I have a dream that people will be so stirred by the sight of The Flag that they will embrace the fundamental idea of our nation, which is that all people are equal under law, imbued with inalienable rights, and that defense of those notions is more important than fuzzy-minded concerns about history, the health of civilization and reality.

Humans come first. God ordained it so. And as God’s creatures, all of us have a place not just in the world, but in the best nation ever created, the United States of America. We alone stand against the feral animalism of the past, rich with blood and horror, in which it was presumed that some humans were better than others.

A true conservative shares this dream: that the poor and downtrodden belong not just on our shores, but in positions of leadership. That the natural elites of society are in fact exploiters and criminals, and that only a fair vote in which every voice is heard can find a path for us to true civilization.

In this dream, we are the City Upon A Hill, a shining example of justice and purity for the whole world.

They will come to us, dressed in rags and scarred by the warfare and religious mutilation of their native lands. They will go through our public schools, learn our language and Constitution, then adopt the Bible and dedicate their lives to ending abortion. Out of every Mohammed will step a Jefferson or Washington, and out of every Nguyen, a Hamilton or Roosevelt.

Much like the light of the Bible, the glow of the Declaration of Independence will purify their souls, making from them a beige conservative master race who will support prayer in schools, lower taxes and free markets. They will show compassion to those beneath them, knowing that humanity grows from the bottom and not the top.

These future citizens will recognize that Communism is the wrong path to equality, and that strong defense, conservative social values and a pro-business agenda will lead us to truly starting on the same page and ending up in the glory of wealth and moral rectitude. They will assimilate liberalism and convert it into good, God-fearing and fiscally sound conservatism.

With this new army, comprised of all of the peoples of the world (but obviously not a Tower of Babel) we will reform humanity from its primordial state as rude, raw and murderous, and instead create an enlightened era in which every person has a place. All of them will pay taxes and fund our social programs, which help convert new citizens into conservatives.

Through our generosity and moral superiority, they will see that we are right, and en masse convert to a Republican way of life. They will dress like our 1950s youngsters, listen to nothing cruder than the boogie-woogie and two-step, and will affirm the place of God and sound financial judgment at the heart of our republic.

As the rest of humanity craters into a smoking ruin through its pursuit of godless liberalism and pagan immorality, our new nation of people will be shaped like molten steel in a mold into perfect conservatives who will bring about the best days of humanity. With the light of the Bible and Milton Friedman behind us, we cannot fail, and we will conquer.

Soon all of history will be a distant and best-forgotten path as we surge forward, each taking whatever he can, and all living in identical houses in prosperous suburbs where the HOA bans everything but upright behavior. Under the power of the HOAs and the New Testament, we will create a world unparalleled in its prosperity and righteousness!

Then again, it may all be a dream, and one would have to be asleep to believe this cuckservative nonsense. April Fools! Let’s go crush some skulls.

Tags: american conservatism, cuckservatives, money and jesus, sleepytime